Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden

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maurvir
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Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden

Post by maurvir »

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/f ... -on-women/

I was dubious at first, but this is actually a great article.
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dv
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Post by dv »

...duh?
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Post by justine »

Yeah, it was a good read.
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Post by Link »

Just from the title, that seems about right.
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Post by Metacell »

Although it is a man's responsibility to pull his head from his own ass, women have been enabling this behavior for generations...possibly centuries in the case of Europe.
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Post by ukimalefu »

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no homo
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Post by maurvir »

I understand women are frustrated by this, and I can certainly understand why, but in addition to women enabling male emotionally dystrophy, once it sets in, it is hard to cure. Much like many of the other things we recognize as negative in our culture and ourselves, these things become ingrained in our psyche as parts of our identity.

Ironically, Uki's "no homo" tag is telling. While I don't believe everyone is necessarily "a little gay", we have so entrenched this blatherskite binary model of sex and gender to the point where expressing any emotion at all makes a man a flaming queer. Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten that all humans, regardless of sex or gender, share more in common than not. We are just taught to ignore that to our own detriment.
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Pariah
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Post by Pariah »

So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.
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maurvir
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Post by maurvir »

Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Oh yeah, there was a serious thread of gender blatherskite in that article. It's just that along the way she made some valid points.
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Post by jkahless »

Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.
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Post by maurvir »

Yeah, that was the blatherskite. Men and women worked hand in hand to create the mess we are dealing with.
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Post by dv »

jkahless wrote:
Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.

Sure. But if you're dumping on your romantic partner because therapy is for sissies, that's on you. At some point, we're responsible for our actions as individuals.
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Post by jkahless »

dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.

Sure. But if you're dumping on your romantic partner because therapy is for sissies, that's on you. At some point, we're responsible for our actions as individuals.


"Why dont you just stop being poor?"
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Post by dv »

jkahless wrote:
dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.

Sure. But if you're dumping on your romantic partner because therapy is for sissies, that's on you. At some point, we're responsible for our actions as individuals.


"Why dont you just stop being poor?"


Yeah, that's not even close to the same thing. But sure, be an apologist for abusive fucks who take their problems out on others.
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Post by jkahless »

dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.

Sure. But if you're dumping on your romantic partner because therapy is for sissies, that's on you. At some point, we're responsible for our actions as individuals.


"Why dont you just stop being poor?"


Yeah, that's not even close to the same thing. But sure, be an apologist for abusive fucks who take their problems out on others.


How do you engage with a culture that simultaneously breaks down your ability to cope blames you for not being able to cope and yells at you when you to get help coping? And how do you ask that question without being yelled at for being a apologist for abusive fucks?
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Post by dv »

jkahless wrote:
dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
dv wrote:
jkahless wrote:
Pariah wrote: So let me get this straight...
Men are friendless, alone and disconnected in the world and suffer a lot of emotional pain because of this.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for women who have to put up with dealing with men that have been crippled by society? I swear there is a vein on gender narcissism running through so many articles like this.


Crippled by "the patriarchy", so it's men's own fault they were crippled as boys.

Sure. But if you're dumping on your romantic partner because therapy is for sissies, that's on you. At some point, we're responsible for our actions as individuals.


"Why dont you just stop being poor?"


Yeah, that's not even close to the same thing. But sure, be an apologist for abusive fucks who take their problems out on others.


How do you engage with a culture that simultaneously breaks down your ability to cope blames you for not being able to cope and yells at you when you to get help coping? And how do you ask that question without being yelled at for being a apologist for abusive fucks?


You start by actually asking that question instead of whining about reverse racism sexism just because somebody wrote a blog post that didn't have you in mind as the intended audience.

And then you own the fact that if you have a common mental illness (depression, anxiety, addiction, and a host of others) you may have caused some collateral damage to friends or family when you were having a rough time.

And then you do the work.
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Post by jkahless »

Precisely my point. Men aren't allowed to feel, they're only valid if they're doing.
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Post by maurvir »

jkahless wrote: Precisely my point. Men aren't allowed to feel, they're only valid if they're doing.


In this case, though, the work is feeling, or more precisely, allowing yourself to feel things. Most men are emotionally constipated to the point of being obstructed. It takes a little while to get the emotional laxatives to take effect, and sometimes you need therapy to help give you the emotional enema you are desperately in need of.
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dv
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Post by dv »

maurvir wrote:
jkahless wrote: Precisely my point. Men aren't allowed to feel, they're only valid if they're doing.


In this case, though, the work is feeling, or more precisely, allowing yourself to feel things. Most men are emotionally constipated to the point of being obstructed. It takes a little while to get the emotional laxatives to take effect, and sometimes you need therapy to help give you the emotional enema you are desperately in need of.


Wot 'e sed. Healing is effort. Putting in "work" is pretty normal therapy-words.
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Post by Ribtor »

a few hundred thousand years of male dominated society may not be sufficiently adapted to an evolved female who no longer dies in childbirth or raises the children and looks after the household. What does a modern, yet still male dominated, society do with these "new" females? The brain isn't wired for this. Not yet, anyway.

I do think in the face of this the modern western male brain retreats into infantile behaviour, one example being dependency on an available perceived real adult. The whore/mother thing isn't new by any means but a hundred years of promoting the exercise (and manipulation) of human "feelings" has brought the male to a place where the brain's wiring can't keep up with the pace of societal change. So the whore/mother/crutch is born.

Western males are dependent demanding children because; (1) our brains have retreated into comfortable wiring of dependence; and (2) this behaviour, over the past hundred years, is good for business and thus promoted.
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Post by ukimalefu »

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maurvir
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Post by maurvir »

Ribtor wrote: a few hundred thousand years of male dominated society may not be sufficiently adapted to an evolved female who no longer dies in childbirth or raises the children and looks after the household. What does a modern, yet still male dominated, society do with these "new" females? The brain isn't wired for this. Not yet, anyway.

I do think in the face of this the modern western male brain retreats into infantile behaviour, one example being dependency on an available perceived real adult. The whore/mother thing isn't new by any means but a hundred years of promoting the exercise (and manipulation) of human "feelings" has brought the male to a place where the brain's wiring can't keep up with the pace of societal change. So the whore/mother/crutch is born.

Western males are dependent demanding children because; (1) our brains have retreated into comfortable wiring of dependence; and (2) this behaviour, over the past hundred years, is good for business and thus promoted.


Uh, no. This is a relatively modern problem, and one fairly centered on western culture. Many, if not most, cultures figure out a way to deal with male emotions and the need for platonic bonding without conflating those needs with homosexuality or "weakness". The irony being that emotional openness takes vastly more courage than keeping everything in until you explode.
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